The "Weird" Family

So, lately I have been watching "19 Kids and Counting" and anything to do with The Duggar's! I am hooked! I know I am a freak but I was missing something in my heart without Jon and Kate. If you know me well, you know that I have a love for reality TV!! I mean it! I can get hooked in an instant to a "reality" TV show! I know it sounds horrible but I love watching people be people as un-Jesus-like as some of them may be or in the Duggar's case, Jesus-like as they are, I just really enjoy those shows. OK, I made my confession so now pass your judgements, ask for forgiveness and move on :).
Back to the Duggar's. So as I have been watching them my itch for another baby is growing and growing! No baby here, yet. But I watch them and I find myself desiring a family like theirs. Not 19 kids (Oh please sweet Jesus no... I would accept it with a happy heart if that is what he had for me:) but a family that truly, truly loves each other is what I desire. I am blown away at the love that the parents (Michelle and Jim Bob) have for each other and the love that the kids have for each other. I know that they have their moments all of them, but they seem to get what it means to really love. This past December they had their new baby who was not supposed to be born until March and she was only 1.6 pounds! I can not for the life of me picture having a baby that small. As I watched the show where they documented the birth of their sweet Josie Brooklyn I loved the anticipation that they all had for her arrival. They didn't consider her just another baby in a household where babies are common. They didn't just think of it as another sister or another number in the crowd. She was Josie Brooklyn. She was just as precious to them as baby number one. I love that Michelle and Jim Bob have taught their kids what a beautiful thing it is to be a family. Each sibling, even younger ones, seemed to realize the seriousness of her condition (being born at 25 weeks). The faith that they all had amazed me. The compassion and excitement they all felt just blew me away.
I want that. I want a family who rejoices with each other and hurts with each other. But first and foremost I want to be good at that myself. I was taught that everything rises and falls with leadership and I believe that to be true. If I want my kids to rejoice with each other and grieve with each other, than I need to be good at that myself. I want to be just as excited about the littlest accomplishments that so often get lost in the busyness of life as I am about the ones that stick out for all to see and remember. I want to be that way for each baby I have, not just number one and I want to be that way for my husband. I want my husband to always know that I am his biggest champion, good times or bad. I pray that my kids growing up really see that my love for my husband is what helps me to love them. That they know that Ryan and I love and care for them more than anything.
People look at the Duggar's and think of how weird they are and quickly pass judgement on how it may be unwise to have that many kids and where do you draw that line. I will be honest, I thought those things first, but now I watch them and I am more overwhelmed with the love of Jesus that flows through that house more than anything. As weird as people think they are, the show is still on tv.... and I bet since Jon and Kate are gone, the ratings have gone up (not sure, just a guess). I think people are drawn to the beauty of Jesus and you can see that when watching them. You see in the way that Jim Bob responds to his wife and vice versa. You see it in the way Michelle responds to her children and vice versa. It's attractive to people. I think it's more attractive too because they are living the life God has intented them to live. He intended for them to have as many kids as they do. They chose to trust the Lord with kids and obviously He is taking care of them. They have no debt, they have room for plenty, why not fill your house? None of their kids, up to this point have flat out chosen rebellion, they obviously have a healthy intimate relationship, and they love Jesus, so something must be right in the way they are running their home, right? I am sure they all mess up and make mistakes but they just have chosen to let Jesus cover it all up and I love that. They have chosen what is better.
So go ahead and call them "weird" but I would have to disagree. They have chosen a life that is different from most and I would have to say it's working for them :). I want to chose a life that is different from most. I want to be "weird" and have people at times question my reasoning. If that is what helps someone come to know Jesus, then so be it! I know my life and my roles are not meant to blend in and I don't want them too and I want to be ok with that. I want to take the heat from others and be ok with it. I want to be so confident in my God that no matter where we go or how we live or how many kids we have, we know it's where we should be as "weird" as it may be. Who knows, maybe we will be the next Duggar family :) ( haven't spoken to my husband about that though so don't hold me to it:).

2010 Here We Come!!!

Zoe Laine Freshman 3/19/09 8lbs 2oz 20 in. long

I must say New Year's Eve is just not that exciting of a "holiday" to me. I usually could care less about a new year coming and I don't ever really think much of it. People are probably gasping at the fact that I just said such a horrid thing!!! I will be honest, I am not good at reflecting on things that happen and I really would like to be better. When I lived in Colorado for two years doing 24/7 they always talked about reflecting and at 2:47pm every day we "took a moment" and no one talked and we "thought" about our day. I "thought" about when our class was over.... bad I know :) I, for one don't have the patience to sit and concentrate on things from the past unless I am discussing them with friends (I process verbally), and I also tend to let my mind wander to the negative rather than the positive. Perhaps now some of you say, "well that is kind of the point. Focus on the negative to make it better in the future". I disagree! I would then just beat myself up over all the fights I caused with my husband, all the lack of patience I had with family and friends, all the times by bank account went negative...and so on. Then I would feel discouraged about the coming new year. Not fun. Not the way I think we are supposed to feel either.
So as I attempt to reflect on 2009 I will say it was a pretty great year for us! I enjoyed the first two months of the year staying at home, resting and preparing for the arrival of Zoe Laine in March! I am so thankful for my hard working husband who made it possible for me to do that! What a nice time to just rest before resting became a thing of the past :). Zoe is such an unbelievably wonderful addition to our family! Ryan and I absolutely LOVE being parents, especially to her! She has been so easy (sleeping though the night since 7 wks, laughs and smiles non-stop, etc..) and we are so blessed by the life that she is! Zoe is our miracle baby and her name is so fitting of her! For those that don't know, we had a miscarriage in February of '08 and that was beyond devastating for me! I knew that the next baby I would have would be a girl and her name would be Zoe Laine which in its entirety means "Life from the narrow path". Let me tell you that girl is full of life too!!!
After we had Zoe I don't honestly know what else to reflect on... the rest of '09 is full of her :) and the beginning of our lives as parents. We are learning what it looks like to have a marriage followed by balancing that with babies. That can often be a challenging thing to do! The fun thing about Ryan and I getting to both be Zoe's parents, is that we both get to be Zoe's parents! I love sharing my life and all that I do with my husband. He is such a great supporter! I loved having Zoe in March because we were able to enjoy almost all of '09 with her! It is so much fun and amazing to see all the changes that occur so quickly! New Year's last year I was big and pregnant and today I have a bubbly baby babbling away in her crib at the moment :).
2009 also brought me a lot of new friendships! Every Monday this summer I was able to spend time with all of my "mommy friends" who all had babies in the days and months following Zoe being born and out of that came some great and wonderful friendships! I can not imagine life without my friends! Every time we hang out I leave thinking, "Wow, I could NOT do life without them!". My heart breaks for other moms who feel lonely or out of place and I feel the Lord growing a passion in my heart to connect with those moms! I am still trying to figure out what that all looks like for my life though. I am so thankful to share this season of life with others in the same (pretty sure I said that in my last post but it is SO true!!!). I am thankful for new and deep friendships! They help to challenge me in the Lord and as a wife and mother. Best of all though, they help me feel normal is the crazy world that is "new mom land" :).
Ryan was promoted in the fall to a finance position in Woodhouse! He had only worked there for 11 months and it was the quickest amount of time anyone has been promoted to a role! He is such a hard worker and such a man of integrity! I am so proud of him and all he has and will accomplish!
Towards the end of this year we had really begun to be convicted about our finances. To be honest, we stink! I hate money and it makes me want to puke! We, as most newlyweds had accumulated the big D: Debt! I hate debt more than anything! I would put it at the top of the list of things I hate under Satan. Like #1 would say: "I hate Satan" and #2 would say: " I hate debt". We are learning that in order to fully live the life the Lord has for us we must eliminate this issue! The bondage that comes with debt has become unbearable and I just can't imagine piling more onto it! So as 2010 approaches (well it's here, like tomorrow) our #1 goal is to eliminate this as much as possible! We know it will be so hard but we actually are really excited about it! We are really looking forward to what the Lord will have for us at the end! Even though we feel like we can't really see the light at the end of the tunnel we know it is there and we can't wait to see how bright it is! Unfortunately, this means I have to be better about cooking :). I enjoy cooking I just hate taking the time to cook. I wish we could live off cupcakes because that would be more fun for me :). So if you all ever think of it, feel free to pray for us as we journey down the path to financial freedom! The Lord has already proven himself faithful to us as the enemy tries to distract us from this! I always like to pray for the Lord to send money in the mail because I think those are the best stories and we have already had it happen to us 2 times since we committed to this process!
So as 2009 closes we can look back with happy hearts on a great year for us and as we approach 2010 we look ahead with anticipation in our hearts! We are so excited to see what happens and how our lives will be changed. I don't think, other than our debt issue, that we really have any other major goals we want to accomplish. Maybe that sounds bad to some, but for us it we like it that way. Then we don't have the fear of failure looming overhead or the disappointment that we did not accomplish all we had set out to do. We know that if we continue to trust in the Lord and His faithfulness that we will succeed in 2010. We still have wants and desires for the year ahead (like a new house, possibly new baby, etc) but if they don't all happen then we know that 2010 will still be a good year if we so chose (except having a new house really would make it awesome!).
Happy New Year!!!

Zoe 9 months old December 2009 21lbs 2oz
"Praise Jesus!!"

Pressing towards the goal

Wife First.



Phillipians 3:12-14 ¹²Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Wife first, mom second. That is my goal I am striving towards. Yes, of course, Jesus follower is the overall umbrella in which this all falls under :).I think it is interesting how the world has created what is "normal" is in all reality, the opposite of how it should be. When I was thinking of what I want my title for this blog to be: Wife First Mom Second, I thought about how even that in today's world is not normal. Like for instance, Jon and Kate plus 8. LOVED that show and sobbed my eyes out during the last episode. But as I hear them speak all they say/said was that first and foremost they are parents. Obviously they have forgotten what made them parents originally, because with out Jon, Kate wouldn't be a mom and with out Kate, Jon wouldn't be a dad. Right? In a way, I kind of hope the title of this bumps some, and it may because it's not the "norm", but it is the way it should be. I put the verse from Phillipians up because I don't have this down pat by any means but, I am going to try my hardest to love my husband and prefer him over my daughter,not that she will ever be in need but, so that we can be a better team and be better spouses and parents. I would love to have this task mastered but I don't and I probably never will because I am human and that is just the way it goes. I can continue to press on though, and learn from the Word and those around me and try my hardest to accomplish this.

Growing up I have wanted nothing more than to be married and be a mom. I also thought this would all be much easier than it really is, if I am just being honest. I thought "of course I will grow up and be the best helper/completer there is to my husband and the whole mom thing will be a breeze with showers and make up every day:)". Wow! I was wrong! I don't mean that in a bad way but when people say you have to work at marriage and families they aren't joking! It is the best thing you will ever have to work at though! I have the greatest husband and daughter in the world and truly could not ask for anything more! I am so fortunate to be able to stay at home with my sweet Zoe Laine and the credit for that really must go to my husband! He is such a hard working man and has such long hours and I am so grateful to him for his sacrifce!

As I start this blog my heart behind it is to be able to encourage those around me and shar my journey that the Lord is taking me and my family on. Since having Zoe, the Lord has really used her to teach me the importance of community and having others to lean on and learn from that are in similar seasons of life or have traveled through similar seasons. I am trying to learn to love the hard seasons and the "pruning" seasons because from those times comes the best fruit possible. Being a new mom is a hard job and I am so fortunate to have friends in the same boat with babies just months apart from Zoe. At times I may write about being a wife, or a mom, or both, or just something completely random that the Lord is teaching me or maybe even something funny. I really want to be a so funny person! Ha! Truly in all seriousness, I just ask that the Lord would use this blog to touch others and even to use it as my mission field when I cant physically go to the nations (my heart) or directly speak into others lives. So I hope you all enjoy as I start this. Feel free to leave comments or whatever you want. I am thankful for the life I have and the family I have and the God I get to serve when I am so unworthy of all of those.

So here I go pressing on towards the goal knowing bumps and bruises will come but the overall reward is going to be so worth it!
Mom Second.